THE RULES August 9, 2010

1. The female always makes the rules.
2. The rules can change without notice.
3. Males can’t know the rules.
4. If the female suspects that the male knows the rules, she must immediately change some of them.
5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong.
6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong.
7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The female can change her mind.
9. The male must never change his mind without the consent of the female.
10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The female must never let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. If the female has PMS, there are no rules.
14. The male cannot diagnose PMS.

thanks for the laugh Uncle Ed! March 4, 2010

Cough Syrup………. 

The pharmacist walks into the store to find a guy leaning heavily Against a wall.

He asks the blonde clerk:
“What’s with that guy over there by the wall?”

The blonde clerk responds: “Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough.
I couldn’t find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of Laxative.”

The pharmacist yells:
“You idiot! You can’t treat a cough with a laxative!”

The blonde clerk responds,
“Of course you can! Look at him, he’s afraid to cough”.

A CLEANING TIP…….FROM THE DOG June 9, 2009

Subject: how to clean your toilet

 

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the
water in the bowl.

 

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the
bathroom.

 

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both
lids.
You may need to stand on the lid.

 

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises
that
come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

 

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power-wash”
and
rinse”.

 

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there
are no
people between the bathroom and the front door.

 

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both
lids.

 

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom,
and
run outside where he will dry himself off.

 

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

 

Sincerely,

 

The Dog

THREE LADIES IN A SAUNA… May 29, 2009

Three Ladies in a Sauna   

 
THREE WOMEN; TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.

SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND   THE BEEP STOPPED.

THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY..

‘THAT WAS MY PAGER,’ SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY ARM.   
A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE EXPLAINED, ‘THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A MICROCHIP IN MY HAND.’  

THE OLDER WOMAN 

FELT VERY LOW-TECH. AND NOT TO BE OUT DONE, DECIDED SHE HAD 

TO DO SOMETHING JUST AS IMPRESSIVE. SO SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE BATHROOM.

SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END.   
THE OTHERS RAISED THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.   
THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID………WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT….I’M GETTING A FAX!!